Happy CNY

Happy New Year!

It has just turned 12am. So officially its the first day of chinese new year. I'm online, just like every other chinese new year eve, as far as I can remember. And I've just saw and heard Fann Wong singing on channel 8 and that was really gross. How much you wanna bet that she was just pretending to be singing live?

I've got a toothache on the right side. I hope its not a decaying tooth. No reason to be a decaying tooth anyway since I brush so carefully everynight. Maybe its just a sensitive tooth bah. It'd better be. Maybe I should try using Sensodyne!

I've got lots to write tonight. Lots to write but I don't know how to put some of my thoughts into words. I don't know why I can't. Sometimes it just happens. Maybe it happens cos I got a bubble amongst my brain cells, so I can't think properly? Then when the bubble clears, I can think properly again. Ignore me, I'm just churning out crap. Talking about bubbles, do you sometimes feel a kind of a rather acute ache in your chest that goes away after awhile? I don't how to describe that kind of pain though. Thats because you have a bubble in your lungs! A tiny bubble can cause alot of pain.

Hahaha. Elaine just told me over msn that when she saw fann wong singing on channel 8 just now, she nearly tried to pierce her own eardrums and poke her own eyes. Thats very ultimate.

I still find Fann Wong very disturbing after so many years. Maybe you people will find me childish or what. But she really is very disturbing. The sight of her provokes negative thoughts in me. The sound of her provokes negative thoughts in me. Everything about her provokes negative thoughts in me. I think I did explain before somewhere on my blog with regards to I hate her.

Its been 1.5 hours and I'm still struggling with this entry. I think I suck at multi-tasking. I've always sucked at multi-tasking. My brains are not wired for multi-tasking.

Reunion dinner was quiet this year. 2 of us only. Dad is still stuck in hospital. Still cannot take food and drinks yet. Its almost a month since he went without food and water. Just drips. Nutritional drips, glucose drips, sodium chloride drips..all sorts of drips. Doctor said he'll be in there for at least one more month. They are still draining stuffs out of his peritoneal cavity. Tubes tubes and more tubes. Tubes in tubes out tubes all over the place.

I think the air in singapore is very polluted. My nose is permanently itchy and sneezy. Its like that even when I'm at home. Or should I say that my nose is overly sensitive.

Everytime I read Le Raine's blog, it makes me feel very inferior. Her english is damn damn damn damn damn damn power.

I feel like doing something glamourous. But what can I do?

Out!

Update

Havent been updating bloggie for what seemed like centuries!

Promise to update during the long CNY holidays!

Till then!

Its been a long time!

Hi there its been a long time since I last blogged. Wanted to do so last night but this fricking blogger website refused to log me in.

Ok so what have I been doing these days? Nothing new in particular, just work and going to the hospital after work. Dad will be in there for the next 1 or 2 months. Imagine how fat the hospital bill size will be.

Journal club is on this thursday and this makes me more fricking sian. I can actually just take leave on Thurs to skip the journal club. But don't want lah. Firstly don't want to waste my precious leave. Secondly, anyway no point trying to skip it since I gonna have more journal clubs coming up for the rest of my stay at nus. Might as well get used to it. Oh well. At least I'll be on leave on Friday.

Chinese New Year will be next week? Thats duper fast. Haven't got clothes, haven't bought any new year goodies, haven't gone to the bank to join the fricking long queue to change new dollar notes, haven't gone to the bank to settle some certification stuff for my dad, haven't done up any new year groceries shopping list for mom yet, haven't settled miscellaneous bills yet. There sure is alot to do. I'm a busy person.

February will not be a good month. Have to work late from Feb onwards since the new batches of blood samples will start coming in from 1st week of Feb onwards. Work overtime without pay ok. Thats so erxin. Very erxin.

Next month's Toto draw will have a great prize? The draw will be on February 10 I think. I gonna try my luck. If I happen to win the great prize, I'll have a very happy birthday. And I can upgrade my dad to an A-class ward. I can also get all the Birkenstocks I want.

Lots to say, but time is so damn limited.

Now I have loads of snacks at home. I have mini oreos, the normal sized oreos, ritz cheese crackers, wafers, Kinder Bueno. Snacking balances me. But no chips. I wanna eat apple chips. Probably will go buy this weekend if budget allows.

I think I have an intense urge to shop. Shopping balances me psychologically. But it unbalances my bank account. How?

Feel a litle hungry now. Flu medication always makes me get hungry so fast. It speeds up my metabolism or something. Later maybe go eat my chocolate chip bread.

Birthday wish list, just for fun:
1. Birkenstock slippers. The 99 bucks that one will do. No need the 300 over bucks one.
2. New specs with stylo mylo frame.
3. Torto of all sizes except the medium one. I have the medium one.
4. All the Meiji snacks there is. Maybe a giant Meiji hamper or something. I adore Meiji products. Cool bunch.
5. Sanrio stickers. Cinnamoroll, Usahana, all. Sanrio characters makes me happy.
6. I changed my mind with regards to item number 4. I think I wan a lifetime's supply of Meiji snacks instead.
7. Sony PSP.
8. An apple mouse.
9. Clothes. And more clothes.
10. All the notebooks from Happy house.
11. A pair of new beach flipflops, if no Birkenstock slippers.
12. A nice big tote bag of lightweight material. Preferably bright coloured.

The list could go on. But I think I'll just stop here. Otherwise it will be like very erxin to have such a long list.

I'm antisocial, so what?

ya noe, I'm antisocial. And growing to be more so. I can't get along well with my colleagues. We aren't hostile to each other. Its just the serious lack of communication other than to discuss about work stuffs. Is this normal? In my past jobs I've always been quite close to my colleagues. We can talk about many things outside work. But now in this lab, I have no idea whether its that I'm becoming antisocial, or its that we are just of very different frequencies. Not that I'm very interested to become good friends with them, its just that it sometimes really makes me wonder why. I think its seriously not that I have an attitude problem. Its just that our frequencies are really worlds apart.

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Been running to and fro from work to hospital everyday. It has finally taken the toil on me and I've fallen sick. To be expected anyway. On mc today. And no one at my workplace asked me how I was feeling. Only 1 sms came in during the evening to ask for money. To ask me to chip in for the new year goodies that they bought for boss. Its always like that. This is not the first time already.

Ok I wanna say that I'm not a pathetic soul here craving for concern from my colleagues. Not that I need their concern or anything. But it just amazes me that there can be such big differences between my current colleagues and all my ex-colleagues.

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Dad is still in hospital. Transferred from ICU to High dependancy ward today. Visited him today and saw that hes not very optimistic about himself. I'm not feeling very good as well. Dad sick in hospital, Mom sick at home. I'm sick and I still gotta go work tomorrow and face a bunch of bloody colleagues, an overenthusiastic boss, un-necessary journal clubs, a meagre salary, a future load of hospital bills. I have totally nil patience today.

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I probably won't be getting any new clothes for chinese new year. Save money. Save the trouble of shopping for clothes. And anyway I don't really go visiting much. Chinese new year will be a good time for me to get more rest. I'm surviving with 3-4 hours of sleep every night. Chinese new year public holidays will be an excellent time for me to catch up on the much-needed sleep.

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The doctor said I cannot eat any dairy products. Which is going to kill me. I can't eat chocolates since that contains milk. And I can't snack on my cheddar cheese & sour cream chips, since I must also stay away from cheese. I think I will sink into depression soon. These snacks usually gives me pleasure and relief from the stress and problems. And yet I have to stay away from all those. Might as well kill me.

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My mom is cool. She doesn't stop me from snacking on Oreos even though I got fever.

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Thursday and Friday. Then its weekend again. As I've mentioned before, any day without work is a good day. Please, Please may thursday and friday pass quickly.

Out!

Yam Feelin'

How was your day?

My day was fairly okie. Work is as usual. My experiment is still like that. I wonder when then I can make a breakthrough. Don't know where the problem lies. Tried every fricking ways on earth already. Oh well. Let me spend the weekend thinking it through again.

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Its a peaceful night to be online tonight.

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Old Chang Kee has got nice yam pies. I like the yam paste inside. Its called "Yam Feelin' ", which is quite cute cos' it also means 'Yam Filling' at the same time. The crust tastes like that of Macdonalds' Apple pie's, but the filling is those damn traditional nice type of yam paste aka 'Or-Ni'. Highly recommended, especially for yam paste lovers.

And oh, their Corn pie also not bad. Corn Feelin'.
Also got pineapple pie. But I didn't try that one. Cos' pineapples always gives me gastric. Its a forbidden fruit.

And their Sardine Puff (Sardine O') and Pepper Puff (Pepper O') also nice. And their sotongs also nice.

I love snacks!

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Ehh..what should I write..I suddenly forgot what I wanted to write. I want to eat banmian. I think the chilli that goes with the banmian is very important.

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Normally when you eat banmian, do you prefer the egg to be as a whole or mixed and dissolved in the soup? I prefer it and I insist that the egg must be mixed and dissolved in the soup. I hate it when the egg yolk hardens inside the soup as a whole. I feel that its damn disgusting.

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I'm going broke. Will be even more broke in the near future. I'll be a pauper. Probably I should take up partime jobs or something. Work after getting off work. Teach tuition? Most people want maths and I suck at it. Other partime jobs like what? Go pubs be waitress ar? Not chio enough. Bartop dancer? Definitely not up to the mark. Macdonalds'? Sell insurance? Salesgirl? But whatever it is, I think I will be damn drained of energy and will probably resort to crawling back home after work.

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My right thumb kenna frostbite. Bitten by the metal trays inside the -80 deg freezer in my lab. Normally I don't get it. But yesterday probably quite suay, so I got it. Damn pain. The coldness seeps through acutely into the bones. The gloves I wore didn't help. Although the pain is just for a few seconds, the skin peeled off the very next day. I think its like, the coldness killed off the layer of top epidermis, and killed it. So the dead skin started peeling off the next day.

yeeouch!

Out!!

Has 2006 been good so far?

New year day was real bad. At first I've decided not to put in this entry, because I find that its rather painful to write about this. But then, a blog is like a diary. Its supposed to make me feel better by writing it all out.

New Year Day. I spent almost 10 hours in the hospital waiting for dad. His operation was about 5.5 hours. He started with a stomachache, so we ate dinner without him. Not long after, we could hear moans and cries of pain from him. Breaking out in cold sweat, unable to walk or do anything due to the pain. After which we decided to call for one of those non-emergency ambulance. Yup and it took like 45 minutes to reach my place. And I had to pay 80 bucks just for the trip to CGH. The A&E doctor diagnosed that his duodenum (check out the anatomy book if you don't know where that is) has got a nasty hole. And the food contents leaked out, apparently decomposed and soiled all the areas outside the intestines. Mass soilage, thats what they called it. Immediate operation was needed. So I waited throughout the night for dad, while the surgeon worked on patching up the hole and cleaning up the insides. I didn't get to leave the hospital until 6am in the morning.

The past few days I've been running to and fro from the hospital. Very tired. Wake up at 5am in the morning, get ready to go to work, start work, knock off work, rush to hospital to visit dad. I wonder how long more this has to go on. I'm really drained.

Dad is still in ICU and will be in ICU for some time before he gets transfered to a normal ward. Hope everything goes well. Hope dad will be back on time for chinese new year.

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I realised that if one is really tired, one can fall asleep anytime and anywhere. Like today I fell asleep while standing on the train. I ever saw one person who dozed off while chewing her food halfway. One can doze off while typing halfway. Lots of things are possible when you are really drained.

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So its been a lousy 2006 so far. May the lousiness end soon. Let me have a good 2006.

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Can't think of what else to put in this entry. I'm really very tired.

Out!

Vulnerable Life

Life is so vulnerable and unpredictable. Especially so for someone who's hooked up via wires to machines in the hospital. It all depends on god's will and his own will to live and whether his body will be able to overcome the stress of the sickness.

Just a short entry today.

We should always appreciate the others around us in case it happens that you lose the chances to do so. Don't regret.

Out!

Year Two-O-O-six

Happy New Year to all!

Ok its already 1 Jan 2006 and I haven't decided on all my new year resolutions yet. Procrastinator, thats me. Haha. Look what Wikipedia says about the word Procrastination.

"Procrastination or "task aversion" is the irrational delay of an intended course of action, even while expecting to be worse off for the delay. The procrastinator deviates from the task, usually in favor of another more enjoyable (or less unenjoyable) activity. This behavior is pervasive throughout society - everyone procrastinates to some degree - but some people are so chronically affected as to be severely debilitated."

I'm likely to be one of those chronically affected ones. I'm a chronic procrastinator. I procrastinate permanently, long term. Disgusting. But I can't help it.

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I hope my 2006 will be a better one. 2005 hasn't been that good.

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Something that someone wrote about me:

“She's so thin, then always carry such a big haversack, really gives people the impression she's like a refugee on the run like tat.”

First of all, I would like to clarify that I'm not exactly very thin. I'm just slim, ok.

Secondly, I don't always carry a big haversack around all over the place. It just happens that when you see me, I always happen to carry a big haversack.

And hey, I definitely look much more stylo than refugees on the run, even though I'm slim (not thin) and have a big haversack sometimes (not always).

Haha.

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I think I need new speckies. I need one of those more modern-looking ones. And I definitely need a re-assessment of my myopic status.

I do have contact lens. But I can't wear them for long hours. Wear 'em for more than 3 hours and my eyes will be ultra dry with blurred vision. Artificial tears doesn't help. Maybe I should try those new contacts that they are selling outside, those those..those that triggers moisture to be released from the lens when you blink your eyes. And I should also try those new ones that makes the eyes look bigger. I seriously have small eyes. Small eyes with single eyelids, pah. What luck.

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Some pics I took while on my way to dinner. Empty roads always gives me a nice but empty hopeless feeling. The kind of hopelessness is not those totally negative types. Its a kind of feeling of relief. Its like when you finally decide to give up on something thats impossible and you feel relieved after that.

Out!