Grumpy Chronicles

I am always, always, always tired.

Permanently sleepy.

I have never been this tired in my entire life so far.

So tired that I fall asleep while drinking water. So tired that I get frustrated when I don't get enough things done. So tired that I don't chat to people on msn anymore. So tired that I lack the interest to go shopping. So tired that I'm lazy to talk properly. So tired that I'm actually blogging about being tired.

Its sick.

I can sleep right after dinner till 2am. And continue to sleep from 3am till 9am. And I still feel tired.

It doesn't matter how much sleep I get. I've attempted to sleep early. And to get more sleep during weekends. It doesn't work.

This is ridiculous.

Just very wrong. Maybe its cos I'm going mad? Maybe its cos my body doesn't rest even though I'm sleeping? Maybe its cos my brainwaves are wrong? Maybe its cos I'm suffering from some ridiculous hidden sickness? Maybe its cos of wrong fengshui? Maybe its cos I'm really growing old prematurely? Maybe its cos I'm lazy by nature? Maybe its a psychological problem? Maybe its cos I'm tired with life as it is?

Everyday I pretend to be not tired. I pretend to be enthusiastic. I don't appear as tired as I actually am.

*****

Sometimes when I grumble about things, its doesn't mean that I need suggestions on how to solve the issues. I often grumble about things that I already know the solutions to. Its just plain grumbling. Getting it off my chest. Suggesting staring, obvious logical solutions to me or trying to analyse the situations for me will only make me feel even more grumpy. Sometimes it makes me feel stupid if logical solutions are suggested right into my face. Makes me feel as if you are thinking that I'm not smart enough to know the logical solution to the problem. The best input will be to listen. To make jokes about it. Or to grumble together.

*****

I'm too hungry to sleep. So I'm eating abit while blogging. No msn cos I'm tired. Just enough energy left to eat a few chips and to blog a few paragraphs.

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I was filling out some financial analysis forms today. It was then that I realised that I don't have much of a life. No entertainment costs. No recreation/hobbies costs. Not even anything spent on movies. Believe it or not, its been eons since I last watched a movie. The most expensive food that I eat has to be Macdonalds' only. No cable TV costs. So why am I still so broke?

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Faithful but poor. Or unfaithful but rich.

Faithful but poor? Got heart but no money.

Unfaithful but rich? Got money but no heart.

Is money more important than heart? Or the heart more important than money?

Money can buy us pretty things. Money can buy us alot of things. It can even buy health under certain circumstances.

Heart can provide mental support but it cannot be used to pay for anything.

So is psychological wellbeing more important than materialistic wellbeing?

Can one survive on psychological wellbeing alone without money?

Can one survive on money alone without psychological wellbeing?

Exactly which one will be more worthwhile?

I think I probably can survive on money alone without psychological wellbeing.

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Sometimes one can't help it if another is unhappy with him/her. Because sometimes life is such a way that it is destined for one to choose what he/she is destined to choose.

Under such circumstances, no words need to be said. A little time will naturally bring everything back to normal.

*****

I have to breathe with my mouth open every single night when I sleep. Its damn sickening. My nasal passage is lousy. Nose is permanently blockedup. Nasal spray have a low duration of effectivity on me. Is this sinusitis? Can I goddamn do anything else to correct this problem?

Hmm.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. Out!