Numb and Neutral

As usual the weekend went past in a flash. Weekends always feel like nanoseconds while weekdays are like decades. Well at least its officially 4 more days to being on leave.

Civilisation IV worked ok on lappie. But I haven't got much time to play the game so far. The work that I planned to do this weekend hasn't even been completed. Have been procrastinating. Bad Bad me.

Its not easy taking over the family expenses. There's alot of budget and financial limits to be taken note of. Alot of planning to be done. Alot of money to be spent. Alot of errands to run. Every Saturday is spent on groceries shopping and marketing for the following week. Pretty stressful sometimes because money is always never enough. Even if there is enough money to spend on groceries and necessities and on paying off all the utilities bills, phone bills, house bills, medical bills, bank loans, there really isn't much left for me to save. If my parents were well off I wouldn't be stuck in such a plight. Well but who's to blame. This is probably destined. I wonder when I can afford my own car and house. I hope I won't take forever.

Looking through my past blog entries, I realised that I have very few happy cheerful-sounding ones. It doesn't mean that I'm leading an ultra miserable life. Life still have its happy moments sometimes. Its just that happy moments are usually shortlived. Its reality. Few seconds of happy moments and I'm back to reality again. I don't try to be pessimistic. Neither do I try to be ultra optimistic. I'm just neutral.

Some people commented that I always seem unhappy. I have absolutely nil comments to that. I wouldn't agree that I am unhappy, neither would I lie that I am very happy. Like I said, I'm neutral.

Sometimes I feel very old. I feel like a tired old woman that has seen through life. But logic tells me that I haven't. I've only seen 24 years of life. Surely there is more to life than this. Maybe I just need a good break. A good break from financial stress. A good break so as I can escape from reality for awhile. Probably that would make me more refreshed.

I do whatever things that I need to do everyday to sustain life. Going to work, coming back home, listening to family grumbles about money issues, going to work, earning the money, bringing the money back home, spend the money, going to work, earning the money, bringing the money back home, realising that the money is still not enough, spending the money, going to work... If you all happen to view me as an unhappy person, I'm not. I'm just numb and neutral. Surely this is not a bad thing, as compared to being pessimistic.

Its gonna be christmas next Sunday. Christmas has always been my favourite festival, and it will always be. I love it. It gives me a good feeling. But every Christmas feels different. Different in a very subtle but distinct way. I have no idea how to describe it.

I've got comments that I always have quite a few errors in my entries. Sometimes its grammar, sometimes its spelling, sometimes its sentence structures. Well I couldn't care less. Every night I just sit down and write freely. I put down whatever comes to my mind. I don't pay attention to things like grammars and sentence structures. Sometimes I get sleepy and that accounts for the missing words or typo errors. I don't read through my own entries after I've finished writing it. I publish them directly without any checks.

A blog to me is like a diary where I put my thoughts and feelings down. Its also where I record some of the daily events that I feel like keeping in memory in case I get amnesia sometime in my life. Its also where I put some pictures up for entertainment value to myself and my friends. I would most probably be blogging all throughout my lifetime as long as I have the ability to type and have access to the internet.

My entries are getting ridiculously long these days. I better cut it off now before this entry gets even longer. Gotta sleep. Tomorrow is a darkblue Monday again. Monday blueeees.

Out!